The Surprise of a Lifetime

As I filled out applications, I started to get excited about going back to work. It did occur to me that the weeding out process was computerized and if one of your dots didn't match up, your application wouldn't even reach a real person so I had a feeling my chances were small. I didn't care. I was in the complete mindset that if it was meant to be, it would be and I didn't give it another thought.

Nico was playing in a tournament on Memorial Day weekend and though I am not proud of it, we spent a lot of that weekend drinking. The games were sometimes brutal. We won our first game but then went on a losing streak. It wasn't the "getting blown out of the water" losing streak. It was the kind where we were up the whole game but then had one bad inning and ended up losing the game. After those games, a drink felt necessary. By Saturday, I realized (sorry, guys if it is too much info) I was "late". I had been "late" before and it meant nothing so the furthest thing from my mind was that I could be pregnant so I kept on drinking. It was a fun weekend to say the least. After a day of drinking and baseball on Sunday, I was really tired. My friend called and said they were having people over and to come over. I hesitated because I was tired and still late. If you are trying to get pregnant or are dealing with infertility, the fastest way to not be "late" is to take a pregnancy test. I figured, I'd take one and when it was negative, I'd be able to have a drink without worrying.

I took one and after the three minutes, got the shock of a lifetime. It was positive! What the????? How in the world was it positive? I stared at it in disbelief. I stared at myself in disbelief. I couldn't move, or smile or cry or anything. I was in complete shock. I yelled for Leo to come up and not to bring the kids. He said he thought by the way I was yelling that I either saw mouse or was pregnant (I didn't know I had a certain yell for either). He looked at the test and this was our conversation:

Leo staring at it: What is that?
Me: A pregnancy test.
Leo: Why'd you take that?
Me: I was late.
Leo: It's positive.
Me letting myself feel excited: I know!
Leo: How'd that happen?
Me (remembering that it was a month filled with no alone time for Leo and me): I don't know.
Leo: That's not real.
Me, my bubble bursting a little: Yes it is. I am pregnant.
Leo knowing me so well: We don't know for sure. Don't say anything until you go to the doctor.

I felt a little deflated from that conversation but was still in awe of how in the world that could be happening. We were in the car on the way over to our friends' and I asked what he was thinking and to burst my bubble further, he said, "We could have saved $20,000." We really did know each other so well because I knew that was what he was thinking. I thought he'd surprise me and say something else but being the practical man that he is, that was what he was thinking. I went to the party for about 20 minutes. I couldn't stand to be in the same room as my good friend and not tell her so I had to leave. I woke up in the middle of the night and took another test and it still said positive. The next few days, I don't remember the order of who I told when but I couldn't hold it in. I called my sister when I woke up. I felt like I was going to burst and wanted someone to be excited with me. If you tell me a secret, I won't tell a soul. It will go in the vault but ask me to keep a secret about myself, I can't do it. Before going over to my aunt's house for a Memorial Day party, I went to my mom's, peed on a digital test and when it came up positive, I showed her and she was just as shocked. The thing about having sisters is that once one knew, I felt bad that the others didn't know. I took one aside but couldn't get the other one alone (one wasn't there). I started to mouth it to her and she couldn't understand and when it became obvious that we were whispering, everyone wanted to know what was going on. I blurted it out because I am a terrible liar and couldn't come up with a lie that fast. The only negative was someone yelled, "You're pregnant!?" right in front of Tommy and we hadn't told the kids yet. Leo wasn't very happy with me because everyone knew and he wanted to wait. My dad's face registered worry and I knew it was because he had a hard time watching me go through what I did. My mom did, too but she was and is always an optimist. So the kids didn't find out quite the way we wanted but then the whole family knew. I called my best friend and shocked her and then each of my friends came over and I had the tests (by that time, I think there were 5) lined up. Looking back, it was a little gross to have 5 tests of my urine on display for people to see. Everyone was happy but I think in the back of their minds was that things didn't always go well just because we had a positive pregnancy test. I have to admit, as excited as I felt, that same thought was in the back of my mind as well.