Problems Seem Small

I don't often watch the news. I used to. It made me feel intelligent to know what was going on in the world. I stopped watching it when Nico was little. I manage to find out through the internet and now through Facebook what is going on in the world but to sit and watch a whole newscast, sets my anxiety at an all time high. Sure, there were stories of heroes or good things that people were doing but there were too many stories that put fear in my heart of what kind of a world I was bringing children into. These are just a few examples. It would be too long of a post if I included all of the news that was upsetting.

It started in 1999 when the Columbine shooting happened. School was supposed to be safe and now I had to worry about someone opening fire there? Being a teacher and a mom, that one hit especially close to home and even now, I am a little obsessed with books written about school shootings. We have had several discussions trying to make sure that my kids don't end up being the shooter or being the ones shot at. Endless discussions about bullying (posts on that to come later) and both sides of it.

Then in 2001, the September 11th attacks. I sat and watched the news in horror. All of those people that lost their lives or loved ones. The stories of people trapped in the buildings or on planes that were about to crash calling their loved ones just gutted me. What was the matter with people in this world that we lived in? I was nine months pregnant with the twins. How in the world was I going to protect my family? I was afraid to leave my house and I was afraid for Leo to leave the house. I hated even taking Nico to preschool.

All of the stories of the parents killing their own kids. The one where she drowned her kids one by one in the bathtub...making them wait until it was their turn...or the one that locked her boys in their car seats and then drove the car in the lake...and the more recent one of the mom that shot her two teenage kids for talking back. I won't say their names because it's about the victims not them. These are just the ones that the parents were found guilty. JonBenet Ramsey and Caylee Anthony still don't have justice. I don't understand why these parents thought killing their babies was the answer. Yes, parenting is hard but to look at your child and cause harm, cause them to leave this world, it just makes me sick to my stomach and makes me ask, "What is wrong with these people?"

As natural disasters unfold and I hear about them or watch them, it scares me because no one sees those coming and the devastation is huge. You can't turn on the news without hearing about tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, and wildfires to name a few. People dying, people losing loved ones, losing their homes, their communities...it is all heartbreaking. These people woke up thinking it was going to be a normal day, maybe even a good day and then BAM! They are stripped away of everything. We wonder why people are on anti-anxiety or anti-depressants? It's all too much to take in. Just watching the news on TV is scarier than any horror movie. At least with the movie, it is make believe. There is a want and a need to protect our loved ones and a knowledge that it's too big of a job. That's when anxiety kicks in.

My religious friends and even myself would say that is when we rely on our faith but that is a bitter pill to swallow today after hearing about the tragedy in Norway. My heart is heavy and my stomach is sick at the thought of what that man did. To disguise himself as a police officer, someone that we have taught our children is safe, and then open fire at that camp, killing 80 children. I just don't understand what is wrong with people or what is wrong with our world? And why? Because they didn't share his political beliefs? His religious beliefs? I am shaking my head in disbelief that people think the answer is killing other people, children...who haven't even had a real start at life.

I wasn't going to do a blog post at all today because my problems, though they are mine so they are pretty big to me, seem awfully small in the grand scheme of things. I couldn't even write a funny story about the kids or a grateful post or an update post. It didn't seem right and my heart is heavy so it wouldn't have come off a light post anyway. Today, I will hug my kids tighter and pray for the parents who lost a child in Norway and for the children that saw the tragedy unfold. I just cannot even imagine.