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Sunday, October 30, 2011

Thoughts on Why I'm Stuck

The brick pavers are fixed (thanks, J.J. and Leo) and the dog run is cleaned out (thanks K.J.). We are on our way. I have to get through this day of football to see where we stand and then either next weekend or the weekend after, the dumpster will be ordered and the deck will come down. Things are getting done. I am so close to being organized, I can feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders.

 If I was brave, I'd ask for help because I still long for bare tables, counters and shelves (except for pictures of the family) but I am not brave enough yet. A wise person once said that there is a reason why we have blocks in our life (clutter and disorganization are examples...losing weight is another one). If my house was spotless with everything in its place and nothing to work on or the novel I am working on was finished and sent off to publishers or I was at the weight I wanted to be at, what would occupy my brain instead? The answer to that scares me a little. I think there are things I don't want to think about so it is easier to think of all the things I have to do instead. Asking for help is allowing someone to come into your life and judge you. Now, don't get me wrong, I joke but my house is not that bad. However, I think I have a lot more space than I think I do but it's being used up by things I have saved because they carry with them an emotional attachment. That's why I am stuck.

I am cleaning out my room and making room for a treadmill. I am cleaning out the basement to make room for a place for the kids to go (though they go now with nothing down there so maybe I'll just keep it that way and just throw out all the junk), I am grouping things (all the books in one place, all the meds in another, all the sports stuff in another) and finding a home for it all. Operation organization has begun. The goal: to have everything in this house have its own space so that it is easier for everyone to put things back where they belong. Don't worry, even when that is done, I'll still be the Queen of Chaos. My life and children will not allow for anything less.

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