Bullying: Part 2-Feeling Like it Would Never End

After the fight, I enjoyed the "don't mess with her because she is tough enough to kick someone's ***" whispers and stares. The reprieve from the mean girls was short-lived. The ones in my grade left me alone but I think took pleasure in telling me that one of the older mean girls sent them a message to give me, "If she doesn't like my brother, she's dead next year when she comes here." This girl was big and she was mean, mean, mean. I remember being afraid of her when she went to my school and was relieved when she went to the middle school thinking that finally she'd leave me alone. Nope. The thing is, her brother was cute and nice and I liked him enough but the minute someone forces you to do something, the appeal is gone. On a side note, at the end of 5th grade, the boy that I thought was the love of my life moved away. He had been my "boyfriend" since second grade (not that there is such a thing) and if he had stayed around and we ever dated for real, it would have been the cutest story ever about how we used to sit together at lunch, share our lunches and then sit on top of the dome at recess. Anyway, my point in telling you this, besides helping you understand that I was boy crazy even as a second grader (which isn't entirely true since I only liked one boy) was that I really didn't like anyone in 6th grade because he was gone. The brother of the bully asked me out, I went out with him, she left me alone, we broke up and the messages came back about how much she hated me and was going to "kill" me when I got to middle school. The thing was that I don't remember her brother and me hating each other and it wasn't like I broke his heart or anything. I think we both decided we just wanted to be friends so I didn't get why she hated me so much.

So even though I fought the bully and proved that I'd fight back, the bullies still found a way to make my life miserable. I might have been able to fight the girls in my grade and come out okay but there was no way I'd be able to fight the older girl. I spent that year crying every night, along with one of my best friends who was also being bullied for other reasons. We hated school and used to talk about moving away. I had other friends but they didn't do much in the sticking up department probably because they were afraid of being bullied themselves. It was every man for themselves. I remember the day that my best friend told me that she wasn't going to put up with it anymore. She was going to go to the Catholic school in the area. I couldn't believe it. I was devastated at losing the friend that stuck by me through everything and a little jealous that she was going to get away from those people making us miserable. I didn't want to go to that school but the thought of losing my friend and being miserable for what felt like forever, made me think it might be a good idea. The more I thought of it, the better it sounded.

I talked to my parents who, I have to say, couldn't have been more supportive. Looking back, it must have been difficult for them to deal with the situation because...they said I could go to the other school! I was shocked and thrilled. It wasn't until I had kids that I realized what huge sacrifices my parents had to make in order for me to go to a private school. I was finally going to be rid of the bullies and I vowed I wasn't going to do anything that would bring attention to myself. I wasn't going to cheer or play any sports or any instruments or whatever it was that kids in Catholic schools did. I remember being sad that I was leaving my other friends but starting over felt so good. The question was...would it last?

Stay tuned for Part 3 tomorrow.