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Sunday, January 22, 2012

Filling Up the Tank

Not the gas tank, our emotional tank. It's corny, I know, but I have been thinking about this ever since hearing it yesterday. My tank is full right now, I am happy to say. I spent the day at my mom and dad's and realized when I don't get to do that very often, my tank runs low. I didn't want to leave. I had one of those moments sitting with one of my sisters when everything felt right. My sister is one of the funniest people I know and every once in awhile, she would do something or say something and we would both burst into laughter. I love that. I missed Nico's game but he played well and they won so both he and Leo were in good spirits when they came to my parents' house. It's always pretty filling to see them happy. We had a ridiculously big, delicious dinner and so physically I was filled up as well. I watched my dad help Nico with a minor injury and saw Tommy curled up with him while watching football. It was the most beautiful thing I have seen in awhile and I was mad I didn't have my camera though it would have ruined the moment. I saw my mom with Isabella, showing her how to cook what she was cooking and  Isabella showing her the dance she is learning. My mom laughed at all the new things that Gia is doing. I was wrong before. Going home does "heal the brokenness" and lets you "find yourself".

The other thing that filled me up was church. I am not going to preach. I am just going to say that two Sundays in a row, I went to church and the feeling I got was...peace and warmth. I don't know how else to describe it and I am not embarrassed to admit that I loved every minute of it. I have a cute story to share about church. Tommy was awake while I was getting ready so he ended up going with me. We went to the cafe and I bought him a muffin and hot chocolate (a real treat, he said). We got settled and the music started. I love the music part. I have a hard time not getting emotional but I won't sing. Mostly because I am afraid I'll start to cry but also because I cannot sing. Not at all, so I am embarrassed to. Not Tommy. He was belting the songs. At one point I saw him rubbing his eyes and wondered if he was getting emotional (he later told me that he had a hard time not crying but rubbing his eyes helped him not to). There is someone that keeps hurting Tommy's feelings so I told him that during the moment of silence, he should pray for him. He asked why and I said, "Because praying for him might be the only way he'll be nice." He nodded his head in understanding. Tommy asked a lot of questions which thankfully I answered to his satisfaction. At the end of the service, the speaker said, "At the end of this prayer, if you have decided to open your heart to Jesus and follow him, raise your hand." I was shocked when Tommy shot his hand high in the air. I heard a few well meaning giggles (including myself) but that didn't deter Tommy. When the moment came to raise your hand, he did it again and smiled so big and proud. I raised mine and he looked at me funny. I told him that I already opened my heart but didn't want him to feel alone in raising his hand and he said, "I wouldn't have."

The whole way home he asked questions, told me he learned a lot and prayed the whole time and it made me realize that I need to get them in some sort of program. That point hit home again when I came home and Belle was crying because I didn't take her to church and she "always wants to go." None of my kids like the children's program at any of the churches we have attended. They like to be in church. I'm not saying that is a bad thing but it would be nice if they liked that part. Today at the store, when Gia threw a Lego at a little girl makes me think I should introduce her now rather than later to the babysitting room at church so that she learns to socialize with kids her own age (yes, that was a proud mommy moment for me).

Something else that filled me up was that I unexpectedly saw one of my best friends from when I was younger. What a sight for sore eyes. I wanted to hug her and not let her go. I wanted to keep talking to her because while I was, all the other stress around me melted away. We were two elementary school kids again telling each other that we missed each other and that we matter to each other (something that feels good to hear when you are in a funk). I made reference in the previous post about what built me and she is one of the things. She knew me when I was making the dreams and was a part of a lot of them. Talking to her reminds me of the person I once was. It grounds me and I love her for it. I hope I am that person for her, too. Even if I'm not, I hope she at least knows she matters to me.

I figured out some of what drains my emotional tank: Drama, in any sense of the word and my FB chat not working. That might be small potatoes to some of you but when it is your only connection to your friends that live far away, it is a pretty big drain. Of course not getting a break from the chaos doesn't help either. I'll keep this part short since I want to focus on what fills it up, not what drains it. See (PL), even I can be "glass half full" once in awhile. :)


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