Being Unhappy With Your Weight and the Quest to Change it

I absolutely loathe watching what I eat and counting calories and exercising and seeing the scale go up instead of down. It's the part of getting older that I hate so much. It's a rare woman that doesn't pay attention to the number on the scale (those that choose to weigh themselves) or let it affect their mood and I'm not one of them. Damn chocolate and strawberries...I didn't even eat that much of them. A cup of strawberries and just dipped, not covered (fine I had them 3 days last week but I swear it was just a cup each time) and apparently, Chocolate Crunch rice cakes do not help in the quest to lose weight. While we are at it, my beloved Propel probably does the same. Damn, damn, damn.

I feel sorry for anyone caught in my path on the way to losing these 10 freaking pounds. I know...it's not the number on the scale, it's the way the clothes fit and muscle weighs more than fat and it's not about being skinny, it's about being healthy and I won't be any happier ten pounds less and blah, blah, blah for all the sane, logical thinking. The experts might think I won't be any happier but I will be skinnier (10lbs. skinnier) and that makes me happy. The experts also say that "it took months to put it on and it will take months for it to come off." Yeah, well, I completely disagree! This ten pounds snuck right up on me and feels like it took only a week to put it on so I want it off in a week. There is a reason why there are no pictures of me since our ski trip. While we are having this discussion, it is my opinion that once you get off your rear and exercise, you should see an automatic decrease in weight. That is what would keep people (me) motivated to keep doing it. What is NOT motivating is exercising, first three times a week (after not exercising at all) and then three days in a row and seeing the scale go UP! That is not motivating. The only thing that motivates me to do is throw the damn scale out the window with the treadmill and weights after it. While we are on the subject of exercising, I will tell you one huge obstacle that I am having. I hate to sweat. Hate it. Some people love it and see it as a sign of working hard. I tried to do that but all I came up with was that it makes me hivey (I don't know if that is even a word) and itchy and I hate it.

I tried the points and the websites that count calories. I tried Atkins and South Beach. The thing is, those didn't work because I am looking for a lifestyle change, not a diet because people go off of diets and then gain the weight back (I wish I didn't know this from experience). The problem is that I am a picky eater and apparently I am picking the wrong things. I love when I hear that maybe I am not eating enough. Are you kidding me? Now I have to worry about eating too much AND too little? Geez, how do people even know what to put in their mouths? I tried to see food as fuel for my body and unfortunately the kind of fuel my body takes is strawberries and chocolate. Yesterday, after seeing the scale rise again after I thought I had done everything right (I worked out each of the days I had the strawberries thinking since I did one, I had to do the other), I decided I was going to eat three meals and have an energy bar at 4:00 because I wasn't going to be able to eat until after 7. After having my grilled Tilapia at 7:00, at 8:30, I was starving! You know what hungry people are? Mean. Yes, they are crabby and mean. I wanted to get on the treadmill but caught up with an old friend and then bedtime sucked the energy right out of me because I gave birth to a bunch of vampires that never sleep.

It does not escape me that in the grand scheme of things, having to lose 10lbs. is not that big of a deal and I should feel lucky that it is only ten because there are others that have to lose a lot more than that. Wanting to lose weight and watch what you eat and exercise when you hate doing it is not fun. It doesn't matter if you have 10, 20 or 50 pounds to lose. If you don't like what you are seeing, it's time to make a change. I don't like how my clothes fit, the number on the scale and that I have no energy so...I need to make some changes and yes, it is very glass half-empty, but I hate every minute of it.