Sleep and Silence

I love my sleep. I love that every time I go to bed, I dream so it is like going to a movie every night. I can't remember a time when I was sick like this. I have said it before, moms can't get sick. There is no one that you can call to substitute for you. Just because you don't feel good (or caught something from your kids), stuff still has to get done or be taken care of. There isn't enough Mucinex or Advil to make me feel better. Belle, my sweet, mother's helper, did to me what she does a lot. When I don't need her help, she is right there, cleaning, playing with Gia (who sometimes doesn't want to be bothered) offering to help even though I have told her she is free to do what she wants. When I desperately need her to play with Gia, she rolls her eyes and stomps her feet and says, "Why do I ALWAYS have to be the one that plays with her?"or "I don't know what I am supposed to do with her." This was the case yesterday. I tried sleeping when Gia did (luckily, I think she sensed I was sick and took two naps) but whenever I closed my eyes, the room would spin. I did sleep on and off. I think I must be on speed dial on the nurse's phone at my kids' school. They called me again to tell me Tommy had a headache and stomachache. I know I had to have sounded mad because I know he is just doing what he is supposed to: if you don't feel well, you go to the nurse but C'MON! I get a call once or twice a week. She asked if she could give him some Coke and see how he does. I said that was fine but in my head I was thinking, If you give him Coke, he'll have a stomachache and headache all the time just so he can come and have you give him Coke. Then I told her I was sick hoping she'd get the hint of, Don't call me unless it is a real emergency. Then around 2:15, I get a call from a friend that our school is in partial lockdown because of an armed robbery down the street from the school. I was on edge until all three kids were home safe and sound but a thought occured to me. If someone could walk in with a gun or a knife at CVS, the same could happen at the Walgreens that I am always at. It happened right down the street. I have always felt safe here. Even when there was an armed robbery at a bank in the area, I still felt safe because I don't go to banks anymore. But at a small convenience store? That hits a little too close to home and suddenly I don't feel as safe. Now that Nico is 13, he has a little more freedom and frequents that CVS. What if he had been in there? It makes me want to tighten the reins again because I am scared of what could happen. The robbery weighed heavy on my mind and I was exhausted by 8:00 and went to bed but only fell asleep for a half hour before I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep. I have this weird insomnia thing happening (remember the workout DVD's I bought on an impulse because I was up watching infomercials which, by the way, ebay refunded my money so I love them again). I woke up with the stabbing stomachache at 1:00 (didn't get sick this time, though) and then Gia started crying. I thought she'd fall back to sleep and I did let her cry for ten minutes and then when she didn't stop and I went to get her, her stomach was growling. I felt terrible. She is the worst eater out of my three kids. It doesn't matter what I give her to eat, she takes two or three bites and is done and the only way she'll drink milk is with a bottle so weaning her is not going well. I fed her and put her back to bed but then I was up until 5 and then my alarm went off at 5:45. And so the day begins whether I like it or not, complete with an orthodontist appointment for Nico where I am sure both of us are going to get a big lecture on why he should be wearing his head gear because he is not. How do I explain to this orthodontist that I have much bigger battles I fight with Nico and that the head gear just isn't one of them? Breathing easy trumps straight teeth.

The world can do a collective sigh of relief because I have lost my voice. This cough I have is an annoying one (what cough isn't?) in that it hurts really bad to cough and the cough is stuck in my throat. I have tried drinking hot tea or soup but nothing is helping. It is stuck there and it hurts to talk so much to Leo and the kids' relief, there will be no lecturing or yelling, only silence coming from me. So, if ever there was something you wanted to say to me without me being able to answer back, now is the time to do it.