When Will I Stop Being Mad?

On this day, 15 years ago, Leo and I got married. He is going fishing. He left at 5:00 this morning to play basketball and won't be home until 11:00 tonight. I can't help think: no birthday gift or special way to celebrate, no anniversary gift or special way to celebrate. As we get older, do special days and celebrations fall by the wayside? Fifteen years sounds and feels like a big accomplishment but maybe it isn't. Maybe I am making more out of it than I should. My feelings are hurt. They have been since my birthday and when he went to Vegas. I hesitated about whether to say anything on here about it but now maybe people will understand where my frustration in some of the post comes from. I could have written a post about how much I love him because I do or the things we've shared over the years because there have been many but I can't write it, if I am not feeling it. I could have put that mask on that so many do that everything is perfect and wonderful and rainbows and balloons all the time but I can't do that. If, for nothing else, this blog is an honest one. And the truth is that marriage is hard. Just because you are happily married doesn't mean that there aren't bumps in the road. We are human and we screw up and we hurt each other and we become lazy and we take each other for granted. I know that there will be decades of more love and good times mixed in with the bumps but for today, I will not think about that. I will only think about how much I want to take the fishing pole and shove it up his ass. I think he forgot how mad I can get and I will take great pleasure in not doing his laundry until he remembers.