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Before I Discuss the Spring Break Fiasco: Tommy's Preliminary Results

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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Before I Discuss the Spring Break Fiasco: Tommy's Preliminary Results

I'm starting to feel like "Debbie Downer". I was home from the vacation which, as much as I would like to say was a fabulous time, it was not, when I got the call. I have been in that place before. The one where you look around and you think really fast, Is this the place that I am going to be when I hear the bad news? It's not horrible news. She started out saying that almost all of the tests came back normal but two of the tests, "actually came back positive" for Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn's Disease. She hurried and said, "This doesn't mean he has it. It just means that he needs more tests." Now, if you are me...you hear that and you immediately freak out. You start crying wondering how on Earth a child could have both CF and one of these other things? I know it isn't the end of the world and that you deal with what you are dealt and alone, we could handle it. We are handling it but together, can I be strong enough? I'm not that great a CF mom. You can ask anyone that has any contact with me around the boys' appointments. I stick my head in the sand. I resent it. I want it to go away. I fight so hard to make sure it doesn't define the boys that I am plain exhausted. I can't imagine having to take on another fight. Both for Tommy and for me. Before I share the conversation I had with Tommy, I will say that I am choosing to believe that he does not have either of these things until I hear otherwise but the thing about fear is that it seeps into every part of your mind and soul and as strong as my faith is...I can't hide from the fear.

Me (trying very hard to sound like this wasn't a big deal): Some of the tests they took came back that you have to have more tests.
Tommy (not one that lets things slip by him): What does that mean?
Me (wishing there was a rule book for this stuff): Some things came up positive, so to make sure you don't have them, you have to have more tests.
Tommy: What kind of tests?
I told him but he was so embarrassed that he made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone or blog about it which breaks my heart.
Tommy: What do they think I have?
Me (knowing if we hadn't already dealt with hundreds of conversations about CF, I could get by with less information): Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn's Disease.
Tommy: What are those?
Me (hating having the conversation and the fact that I googled (even though I still hate google) both of them: Let's wait and see what the tests show before we get into that, okay?

The subject was dropped until he returned from baseball practice.

Tommy: You didn't tell anyone about the test, did you?
Me (hoping he'll never find out that I cried to my sisters and good friends): No.
Tommy: Mom, I'm scared. What if I have those things?
Me (again, wishing for a rule book): What's the worst thing that will happen if you do?
Tommy (really not knowing how on the edge of breaking down I was about this): Then I'll have two diseases.
Me (not being able to hold back the tears over that very fact): But you'll still be the same Tommy who is really good at sports and loves to bust a move but you'll just have to stay away from certain foods and you'll fight that just like you fight CF and you are doing such an awesome job fighting CF, that you really can fight anything.
Tommy (hugging me): Thanks, Mom.

Now why can't I believe my own words? If you can spare a few prayers, I would really appreciate it.

On a lighter note, I am pretty sure that most hoarders start out when they get back from a vacation and another fear is I am headed in that direction.

4 Comments:

At April 5, 2011 at 7:30 PM , Blogger lamb said...

oh AnnMarie I will say prayers for you and Tommy and you whole family. I can't imagine how hard that conversation was. just know that as much as you think you are not good at handling this, you are really handling it as well as can be expected. no one should have to get a call like that about their child.

 
At April 7, 2011 at 6:45 PM , Blogger AnnMarie said...

Thanks, Lori. I really just want it all to go away. I just feel like the more they look, the more they find. I want them to STOP looking!

 
At April 8, 2011 at 8:48 AM , Blogger Jen Rae said...

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your chin up!

 
At April 8, 2011 at 3:16 PM , Blogger AnnMarie said...

Thanks, Jen! I'm trying!

 

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