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Gia's Story Pt. 3

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Monday, June 20, 2011

Gia's Story Pt. 3

I could not get a grip on what was happening. I had prayed for six years that I would get pregnant on my own and the baby wouldn't have CF because those were the two things that broke me and God answered that prayer. I felt like the devil himself had his claws in Gia just waiting to claim her. Waiting to steal all of our joy. I felt like he was near, mocking my faith saying, "Did you really think you were going to escape? Did you really believe you deserved this gift?" I think I cried for three days straight before we brought her in. While I was crying (I was much worse this time around with hiding it from the kids), Tommy asked why I was crying. I told him that they were making Gia do a sweat test and that he had to have one, too. He asked why and I explained that he never had one and they just had to confirm the results. He got very excited and said, "So I might not have CF?" (He's smarter than I give him credit for.) He started yelling that over and over again and then Nico caught wind of it and started crying and said, "So I might be the only one that has it?" I didn't even know what to say to either of them. My heart broke for Tommy because my gut told me that the test was right (why I didn't trust my gut in thinking that Gia's was right too, I don't know) and that his test was going to come out positive and he was going to be devasted at having his hopes up. I consoled Nico and told him that even if it turned out Tommy didn't have it, look at how CF wasn't stopping him from doing anything. I remember in my panicked state of not knowing about Gia, I had a hard time coming up with anything meaningful to ease his worry. I hated CF and I hated the state for making us retake the test.

It was a long day because we had to go to Lutheran General and the sweat test takes awhile to do. Afterwards, we had to go home and wait. Again the wait was agonizing. I couldn't put her down. I felt like if I just held her, I could will her not to have it (if it were that easy, I'd never let Nico and Tommy go). The results were in. Gia didn't have it! Tommy did. When I told him, he took it like a champ. He was sad but said that nothing really changed. Nico said it was probably better that Gia didn't have it. He said he loved her and didn't want her to go through what he and Tommy had to. I spent the rest of the day thanking God and staring in awe that she was there and that she escaped CF.

Gia's story, whether you are religious or not, is one of an absolute miracle. Against all odds she is here. Every doctor told me it was never going to happen. Every doctor told me my body just wasn't cooperating. I was told I had one good tube and one good ovary (sorry TMI) but they were not on the same side. I heard that I was too old. I heard that I had "old eggs". I heard that it looked like most of my eggs carried the DNA that led to CF. I heard that even if I did get pregnant, they didn't know what killed my baby before so they couldn't prevent it from happening again. I heard that my only option was to use an egg donor or adopt an embryo and yet, I got pregnant on my own and she does not have CF. I believe that if you are given a dream, you are also given the ability to make it come true. After Rocco died, I was angry and confused so I prayed to God and said, "You have put this dream in my heart for a baby. Thank You for making it come true." I don't know why I thanked him before it happened but I remember my mom telling me and reading in the bible that, "Faith is believing without seeing and that God wants us to pray something and then thank Him because it is showing that we have faith that he will bless us with what we are asking." When my faith would falter, I wanted Him to know that if it wasn't meant to be and the answer was no (because sometimes the answer is just no), I wanted Him to remove the desire in my heart. That was the last prayer I said about having a baby. Instead of removing the desire, my prayer that I prayed for six long years was answered and He gave me Gia. Do I think that Rocco had something to do with it? Yes, I do. Do I think that He told God that his mom was sad and that sending me a baby would make me happy? Yes, I do. In The Shack, it said, and I am paraphrasing, "I do not make bad things happen but I do try and find good that can come out of it." That comforts me. Gia didn't replace Rocco but she is definitely the rainbow that came after the storm.


At June 21, 2011 at 8:33 AM , Blogger Kendra Mareva said...

My goodness, what a cutie! :o)

At June 21, 2011 at 9:43 AM , Blogger AnnMarie said...

Thanks, Kendra! I can't wait for you to meet her!

At June 21, 2011 at 10:33 PM , Blogger Jen Rae said...

She is a beauty and what a blessing.

At June 22, 2011 at 7:33 AM , Blogger AnnMarie said...

Thanks, Jen!


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