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Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Double Standard

After dropping Isabella off at a friend's house, I realized that the double standard is an ongoing theme in my life. I already mentioned before that it is one of my pet peeves (Don't get mad at my kid for not calling your kid when your kid doesn't call my kid) but what I didn't realize is while I hate it being done to me (the whole Leo buys a big screen TV without a discussion but if I want a piece of exercise equipment, it's a no), I do it all the time with the kids. I say all the time that I don't want CF to stop the kids from doing things that other kids do and I think if I am being honest with myself, CF is the reason for the double standard I have with the boys and Isabella.

I know I have mentioned the food issue as a double standard but it bears mentioning again. I have to encourage the boys to eat all the time and it has to be food high in calories. It keeps them healthy. It will not keep Belle healthy. If the boys want to eat at 10:00 at night, they get to eat then. I have a hard time watching her eat a vanilla milkshake, cheeseburger and fries at that time so I offer her apples and peanut butter or something else healthier but she cries that it isn't fair and she is right. I try and explain that what is healthy for the boys isn't healthy for her but she doesn't care. She just sees them getting to eat "fun" foods and feels bad that she can't. I just keep telling her she is beautiful and that if she ate what they were eating when they were eating it, she'd feel sick. Maybe if I say it enough times, she'll start to believe it.

The boys get opportunities to do things that are very fun but all day long and my immediate reaction is to say no. Isabella gets offers and I encourage her to go. I didn't even realize I was doing that but with the boys, I worry that they will have stomach issues, I worry that they will not take their enzymes and I worry that they will dehydrate. I worry that they will ruin the experience for others if they get sick. None of my friends have ever made me feel that way and they are all competent enough to handle issues if they come up. It's my own issue and my own fear. It is why I am fiercely overprotective. It's just not easy for me to pass the baton so to speak. It's funny because Belle has a way more nervous stomach than the boys. When met with something new, her immediate reaction is to say her stomach hurts or her head hurts. She wants to do things but then after thinking about it and going over everything that could possibly go wrong, she talks herself into feeling sick so she can't go. I have allowed her to go to sleepovers and have gotten calls to go and get her. I have even gotten calls from her when she is at her grandma's house and still when an opportunity for her to spread her wings a little and have fun or do something big that is just for her comes up, I pretty much push her out the door.

I am overprotective. I know this but now I am wondering...would I be this way even if CF wasn't in the picture or is it because of CF that I am this way?

2 Comments:

At July 8, 2011 at 5:19 AM , Blogger Kendra Mareva said...

Hmm, good question. I think your parents were pretty protective of you and your sisters too, though, so that's probably in play here as well. Generally speaking I think it's hard for a parent to not be overprotective, and with the additional challenges your family faces everyday, I would imagine it's near impossible. I guess you just have to find a balance that you're comfortable with. Your kids may not understand the reasons now, but they will later in life. And probably thank you for it.

 
At July 8, 2011 at 7:38 AM , Blogger AnnMarie said...

I can't wait for that day because right now all I get is resistance! The problem is trying to find the balance while the rest of the world keeps on ticking. The things I am not comfortable with are coming faster and faster. Counting down the days until you are here!

 

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