Parenthood Pt. 2

I am freaking out because yesterday Gia was really crabby because she still is under the weather and the only thing that made her happy was watching YouTube videos of animal sounds. I was drinking a cup of tea and she accidentally knocked it out of my hand spilling the tea on half of my computer. I turned it right away, was able to send an email and then it stopped working. It is drying out now but I am freaking out that I won't be able to get all my pictures, videos, iTunes and the books I am writing. I know...I should have backed it all up. I know...

Back to Parenthood. I need to clarify that I'm not sure I'd like the Bob Dylan song that plays in the intro if I just heard it on the radio. I am not a huge Bob Dylan fan but coupled with the montage of pictures, it gets me every week. Tuesday night's episode had a lot of "Yay!" moments. I was practically cheering when Drew asked the girl out. I love Drew and Zeek's relationship. It is sometimes uncomfortable but you can't help but see how much Zeek loves that kid. I loved the advice that Camille gave Sarah. I was relieved when Adam went to bat for Alex. I want to like Haddie...really I do but maybe that is the point...that teenagers are hard to like. I thought Zoe's explanation for why she didn't want Julia to adopt her baby made sense. I think it would be extremely hard to give up your baby and then see the woman you gave your baby to everyday. I thought the look on Adam's face when he said he wanted to go into business with Crosby was pretty funny.

The part that got to me this time and why I ended up sobbing was the ultrasound. That was Leo and me. When I told Gia's story, I left out some parts that I would rather have forgotten. Watching last night brought those moments back. People would ask me all the time, "What are you hoping for?" I wanted to say a baby that was alive but that would have made the other person uncomfortable and then I'd have to explain everything if it was just a random stranger. Leo and I talked about it and since we lost a boy, a part of us wanted another boy but with both boys having CF, we really felt like the odds were against us for having a boy without CF. On the other hand, since we had lost a boy, a part of me wanted a girl. I didn't want to look at my son that was here and wonder every time, if that was what Rocco would have looked like. I really believed (and there is absolutely no scientific backing to this) that if it was a girl, she wouldn't have CF. So when Kristina and Adam were in that room, that was us. Not knowing if we wanted to know and knowing that even if we did, it didn't guarantee us a healthy baby. When they said it was a girl, and Kristina let out a sigh of relief, the camera turned to Adam and I wondered if I saw something else in his face. Was a part of him wanting a boy that didn't have Asperger's? Does he or will he now grieve the loss of the idea in his head of what a father/son relationship is? Was there a small part of him hoping that they'd beat the odds and have a boy that didn't have it? Not that it takes away from Max. He loves that kid and he accepts him for who he is and celebrates each milestone but I wonder if that is what I saw in his face. When Kristina was looking at the ultrasound picture later and said, and I am paraphrasing, that she'd love that baby no matter what and that she already did, it again brought me back to when I was pregnant. With the CF cloud hanging over us, the worry was sometimes paralyzing but one thought calmed my nerves down. No matter what, I would love that baby. I might get frustrated or overwhelmed with the boys having CF but there is never a lack of love. I watch Adam and Kristina navigate their way through Max's world and it is so different from what I deal with but what remains is the same feeling of this is not what I thought it was going to be like.