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Wednesday, September 28, 2011


I finally caught up with this show. As much as I love this show and look forward to watching it every week, I know it is going to take me on a roller coaster of emotions so I need to set aside time to give it my undivided attention. It just guts me. I find myself cracking up and then crying in a matter of minutes. What is it about the intro song and montage? I mean, I can guess what it is. It's the flashbacks and how it brings me right back to when I was younger before my "parenthood" materialized. I remember wanting to be married and be a mom and all of the dreams that went along with that. All of the ideals. Maybe it is a sadness that those years of dreaming of what it would be like are over. That now, it is what it is. No more guessing. I have two sons and two daughters and a lot of tears shed to get them here with some losses along the way. No more wondering who they'll look like (though I'm still in awe that they look like they do) or what their personalities will be like. They are their own little beings. Does the intro get to everyone watching or am I just over-analyzing?

Watching the first episode of this season, I was mad at Haddie. I know kids drink in high school but I hated what happened to Alex. I'm hating that storyline. My heart goes out to Julia. I've been there and I know the desperation that comes with wanting a baby and not being able to make your body work the way you want. I can relate to Adam and Kristina's storyline because I found out I was pregnant with Gia and two days later, Leo lost his job. He was out of work until Gia was two months old and though I cherished the time that he was home, it was scary. I worried constantly about him finding a job with good insurance. The boys' meds are really expensive but with insurance, manageable. I can relate to Adam's point of view because before I found out I was pregnant, I was trying to go back to work and it was hard and humbling. I had been out of the teaching field for 11 years at that point and the hiring system was a lot different. I toyed with changing careers but that was going to take time and money. I still wonder what I am going to do and even though Gia keeps me busy, I get restless with wanting to do something now. I think Jason Ritter is adorable and am happy to see him back. I love that storyline for Sarah. I just love Zeek. He reminds me of my dad though my dad doesn't interfere as much as Zeek does. My dad has had some good zingers and some great advice and loves in that "I'm going to be strong for both of us until you can be strong on your own" sort of way. I just want Crosby's storyline to work out. I want this to be his success story.

The second episode left me with a heavy heart. Max's storyline breaks my heart and there isn't a person out there that can't relate to it. When Kristina pulled up and saw him alone at lunch/recess, I just lost it. I want to know that my kids are okay when they aren't with me. My kids don't have Asperger's but having CF sometimes causes them embarrassment. Bodily functions are rampant in battling this and luckily they are boys that still think they are funny but I know from the tears shed at home that they are embarrassed and the question comes up once in awhile, "What if kids won't like me because I have CF?" Tommy struggles with this a little more than Nico but every once in awhile, Nico will voice his fears. When Max went up to the boy at lunch and did exactly what his mom said to do and it didn't work, anyone watching was probably thinking the same thing...if only it were that simple. I know it was not what Kristina had in mind but I am so glad that Jabbar and his little friends sat with him and that he had a moment to shine. Isn't that what we all want for our kids or even for ourselves? A moment to shine? When she had that moment of unraveling about the unanswered email, those of you that have been reading can see why I related to that. Then when she went in to talk with that teacher (who I will admit I don't care for as an actress), I thought about when I was teaching. Did I sit on the side of the table across from a nervous parent and did I make them feel better? Did I shrug things off because I had 25 other kids I was responsible for? Did I not take into consideration that the child in question was that person's whole world and though I thought they'd be okay, when the parent showed concern, did I listen and reassure? I hope I did but the truth is that I remember one parent in particular that drove me crazy because he wanted to meet every week to discuss his son's progress. I thought this child needed to be evaluated and if he was, I had no problem meeting however, the parents refused any testing so I refused to meet weekly. It was an uphill battle because everyone involved wanted me to give in and I was probably more stubborn than I had to be but that child needed more help than I could give him and meeting once a week to tell the parents that was going to be like banging my head against a wall. I did crack up about the email because I don't think teachers realize how long it takes us to send the emails in the first place. I know I write it and then rewrite it and then let it sit and then take stuff out or add stuff. All for the sake of not sounding like the crazy parent or the neurotic parent (yes, I know...that ship has sailed). So when the email goes unanswered it sends crazy over the edge. It's hard to give up control if your kids don't have needs outside the norm but when they do, giving up control is even harder. My heart continues to tug for Kristina. Plus, I remember having to deal with one of Nico's teachers when I was pregnant and it was not fun.

I'll save last night's episode for tomorrow in case people haven't watched it yet and what I have to say is long and this is long enough.


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