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Not Goodbye Forever but Goodbye For Now

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Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Not Goodbye Forever but Goodbye For Now

This has been really hard. Apparently, I didn't talk to my many peeps before making this decision. I am flattered by the people that have commented or called or emailed me. I have many favorite comments but one for sure is, "I have my morning coffee with you and your blog every morning. How am I going to start my day now?" Others were, "If you love doing it, why are you stopping?" "You did make me feel less alone." "I enjoyed hearing about your life." Another reader pointed out how many hits to the site I have. The best advice, not surprising, was from my dad. It's so funny that no matter how old you are, your parents' words of wisdom hold so much value. I guess they installed the buttons so they know the ones to push and what you need to get the others to work. I don't need to stop writing as much as I need to organize where I want to go from here. A year of writing almost everyday is a lot of "stuff" to have written. I'm going to take some time to see what I can do with what I've already done. One idea is to fictionalize the blog into a book form. I like that idea. The other is to only use the blog as a springboard for an entirely different book but along the same lines--have characters based on my family but put them in fictional situations. I didn't know I'd get such a thrill out of writing about the monotony of parenting so maybe I could do something with that. A part of me hasn't thrown away the idea of writing an inspirational book in seeing the light through tough situations. There are a few different ways to go and like my dad said, "I need to stop being my own obstacle. I need to trust that people want to read my stuff and have the confidence to look at and work at the next step, whatever that might be."

The main thing I learned from doing this is that I absolutely love to write. I have written for myself since I was 12. It felt amazing to write for others. It gave me a sense of purpose. What I gained was that even in the most stressful of times, I could look for the humor so that I could write about it here. That is huge for me and something I probably will take away from this. A wise friend and huge supporter of mine said writing is like watching TV. If you don't like what is on, change the channel. If you don't like what I am writing, don't read it. I need to remind myself of that. There are hurtful people out there that don't want you to succeed or want to knock you down when you are feeling pretty good. I need to remember that just because someone states their opinion doesn't mean I have to take anything from it. I can leave it at the door with a "Don't like it, don't read it" response. I learned that my voice won't fit everywhere. Some places want controversy and heated discussions. I am just a stay at home mom, married to my best friend writing about our life together. It's not going to be for everyone. (Thanks, D.W. for that nugget. I use it all the time.) I am still learning about what kind of writer I want to be and maybe I'll keep this blog open for the followers of it and bounce ideas off of them until I find out. I am definitely taking it off of Facebook. If you like it, you are more than welcome to keep following me through Google (I know they don't make it that easy) but I'll be scaling back how often and what I choose to share. Sorry to be offensive but I let a few people and things **** all over the blog and my dream to write and shame on me for almost giving it up entirely. I gave too many people that aren't in any way deserving the power to do that.

I stand by the fact that there are things in my life that I would love to blog about but can't so it is making it hard to write about other things. I can't write about my relationship with Leo's mom without causing problems with Leo and me (most of it would be a laugh a minute but it gets clouded with the fact that she and I have a strained relationship). I can't write about how fourth grade must be the beginning of girl drama because Belle cries every night and every morning without people wondering who I am talking about. It's gotten to the point when I am with my family (parents and sisters) and something is said or we are doing something and someone will say, "This better not be on the blog." I don't want people to not want to be around me because they are afraid something is going to end up in the blog. Although I have enjoyed when people ask for me to give them a "shout out." I could write a book on the relationships between my sisters. We are a tight bunch, the five of us and it would be a riot but some things are not to be shared and I know that. Being as close as I am with my mom and dad and my sisters, and not writing about some of that doesn't give you the whole picture of me or the chaos I live in. Not all chaos is bad chaos and that is certainly true of my life and this blog.

I set out to post links to my favorite posts but it is too hard and it makes stopping even harder. I think my favorites have always been my random thoughts posts. The others that rank high are the tribute/birthday ones. The ones I got the most comments about were the ones about me hating being back in the grade my kids are in or the "too much parenting" ones. The whole cancer scare was a little surreal. It felt good to have the blog during the house stuff because it feels good to finish something you start. I think the ones that I'm most proud of were the ones about not being mom of the year. I think we all need to remind ourselves that we are only human and we are flawed and that it's okay. I'm proud of the fact that in a small way, I took the mask of "it's all rainbows and candy" off and showed an honest view of marriage and parenthood. I wish more people would do that.

If you are reading this, thank you...thank you...thank you for reading and for the support. I hope as I muddle my way to the next step, you'll be close by. :)

What would be a goodbye for now post without a video that I think sums the moment all up:


4 Comments:

At February 7, 2012 at 8:10 AM , Blogger lamb said...

Sorry to hear you are taking a break. I definitely want to stay updated on where you decide to take things next. Good luck and thanks for all that you have shared so far!

 
At February 7, 2012 at 1:47 PM , Blogger AnnMarie said...

Thanks, Lori. I think if you are a follower here, you'll get updates if I do anything. Thanks for being a loyal reader!

 
At February 7, 2012 at 5:02 PM , Blogger Kendra Mareva said...

Hmm, the idea of using the blog as a bouncing board for a book is fantastic! Sounds like it has a ton of potential. Good luck with your new project and keep us posted on your progress! Huggies. :o)

 
At February 7, 2012 at 8:16 PM , Blogger AnnMarie said...

We really need to talk soon, my friend. You know you'll always be one of the first to know if anything comes of it. :)

 

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