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Thursday, October 6, 2011

State of Chaos

I don't have time to write much. I have to take the boys out of school today to go to the CF doctor. It's not that I don't love our doctor or the nurses there. I do but I hate these appointments. They are in Park Ridge and I hate driving there. They are long and the boys both have football to get to and my dad is watching the girls and that is long for anyone to have to babysit. I don't like these appointments when the boys are doing well. With them having stuff going on, I am dreading it even more. Constant state of fear. Fear of what they are going to say is going on. Fear that there will be more to do to get them healthy. Fear that I didn't do enough and that is why they got sick. Fear of the disease rearing its ugly head. Just a lot of anxiety. The boys are anxious because they are never sure whether they are going to have to give blood. I'm sure they are supposed to get a flu shot and I don't know if they should. They've always gotten a little sick after it and we have a lot going on this weekend ending with Nico having the biggest game of this season. Sometimes I just get tired of making all the decisions.

I wanted Leo to go with me (I really wanted him to just take them but I know that is asking too much) but he can't. I'm jealous that he gets to be at work. I know there are different pressures and stress at work but I wish I had to deal with those today instead of go to this appointment. This is one of the only times I wish I wasn't a stay at home mom and maybe that is crappy to admit and even if I was working, it would probably be worse to have to take the afternoon off to bring them but it wouldn't automatically be assumed that I would be the one to take them. It's just hard. I keep wanting the boys to take a more responsible role in doing their treatments and taking their meds and they just don't. With all the stuff going on in my head and all the stuff to do, not asking the simple question, "Did you take your meds?" results in them not taking them. It never fails that when I am out and don't come back until after the kids have gone to bed (you know...when I am at my big night at Mejier) and I ask Leo, "Did the kids take their meds?" he answers with, "Um...I'm not sure." That would be no because we are raising two boys that can remember all the lyrics to the very inappropriate song on the radio these days but can't seem to remember taking a pill.

The cleaning lady is coming this morning so I have to be out of the house (and rush around like a mad woman getting ready for her) so I will most likely be at a restaurant and a store, two places Gia doesn't like. Why does having a cleaning lady lead to more chaos? Shouldn't it lead to less?

At the end of this day, there better be a a big, old margarita waiting for me (and maybe I'll go crazy and have some chocolate and strawberries).


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