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Friday, January 6, 2012

I Am Not a Sweeper

Okay, so I made mention that I had a few weird interactions two days ago and how it put me in a bad mood. I got her permission to talk about this on here because I think it is a good topic that a lot of us deal with and don't have an outlet to analyze it. One of the weird interactions was with my best friend, Rochelle. I can't put my finger on why our normal phone call was strange. It just was. You know when you are friends with someone for so long (and my sisters are the same way), you can tell if they are crabby or irritated just by the way they are talking? Well, that is kind of how I felt when I was talking to her...something was just off. It bothered me all day. After another call that still felt off and a few misses at getting in touch, I was convinced she was mad at me. I racked my brain all day wondering what I could have done to make her mad. Did I not call enough? Sometimes if we go too long without seeing each other, it will feel off. Was it that? I couldn't think of anything but the yucky feeling stayed with me. I did, eventually come to the conclusion that since I couldn't think of anything, maybe it had nothing to do with me. Maybe she had something going on that was bugging her. Maybe she was having one of those days where her family was driving her crazy and we happened to be on the phone while she couldn't get it off her mind. Then I started worrying that everything was okay but it was too late to call her. I decided that maybe I could be a "sweeper". I was just going to let it pass and wait for it to be normal again. It made me think, though. If we have good friends in our lives, they know when we are mad or off. If we think we are fooling them, we are kidding ourselves.

I could not do it. The next morning, I called her and said, "What was going on with you yesterday? You seemed like you were mad." She promptly started laughing and said, "What?! Did we even talk yesterday? Nothing's wrong." I told her we talked a few times and each time she didn't sound like herself. She kept laughing and told me I was crazy. And maybe I was but if I had been a sweeper, I would have gone on believing she might have been mad at me. I laughed thinking how incredibly self-centered of me it was to think that I was the reason she was off but since she wasn't telling me different, it led me to think that. The sign of a true friend is one you can talk about stuff that is uncomfortable and then move on. Our friendship works because I won't let  her be a sweeper with me. The thing with sweeping is that if both people are sweepers and are okay with it, it is fine. If one is sweeper and the other isn't and tries to be, it will wear on the friendship. It's exhausting and upsetting to wonder if someone is mad at you or what you did and even more upsetting to wait until the sweeping is done.

I stand by the fact that when we don't get to see each other or have some quality time (without kids or husbands), we get funny. This is true for all of my girlfriends, not just Rochelle. My only advice is and I know no one is really asking: Take care of your friends. They aren't obligated or required to stick around (Sorry G, N, L and C, you guys are. C and L, so are you.). They have actually chosen to be around you and love you, faults and quirks and all, so be really sure not to take them for granted or assume that when you are done sweeping, they will still be there (no worries, Chelle...you are stuck with me).

So I ask, in your friendships, are you a sweeper or are you a "bring it out in the open" kind of  friend?

(By the way, we need new pics of us. This is old but I didn't like any of the ones of us that were more recent.)

1 Comments:

At January 6, 2012 at 3:56 PM , Blogger Kendra Mareva said...

Sooo not a sweeper. But you knew that already. ;)
xo

 

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