The Path to Baby #4: Pt. 2

I think at first I was shocked that Leo was serious. He is an only child and was never really vocal about how many kids he wanted. After we had Nico and were trying to get pregnant, he would tell me it was okay and that he'd be fine if we just had Nico and that he was an only child and he turned out okay (I am going to refrain from adding anything here but I could). When we got pregnant with the twins I asked him about that and he admitted he told me that to make me feel less pressure. I think Leo was a "go with the flow" kind of guy and whatever happened, he would have been fine with. If we had one, he'd be happy. If we had three, he'd be happy so when he voiced and made the effort to have a fourth, it really meant a lot to me. We discussed it and said we would only do one cycle of IVF. We weren't going to torture ourselves. We'd try and if it was meant to be, it would happen. If not, we'd be able to say at least we tried.

We went to see the same doctor that helped us get pregnant with the twins and we decided that we would screen the embryos for CF (the technical term is preimplantation genetic diagnosis or PGD) and only put back the ones that didn't have it or were carriers. I know this is very controversial and we got flack from many but we didn't see it as a statement against Nico and Tommy. Even though I was doing my best to stop feeling guilty, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if we gave another one of our children CF. I lost a lot of sleep over this issue because if we knew that Nico had CF before doing IVF for the twins, Tommy wouldn't be here and that thought guts me. My life would not be as full as it is without Tommy. He is the absolute light of my life and to think of him not being here...well...let's just say, he is proof that everything happens for a reason and I thank God every time I look at him that we didn't find out that Nico had it until he was 3.

The kicker was that it was going to cost us $5000 out of our pocket. Things came to a halt because we just didn't have that kind of money to spend on something that wasn't guaranteed. We could maybe come up with $1000 but $5000? We just couldn't do it. I was upset to have been that close to having another baby and have it end because of money (as so many have to do because insurances still think of building your family as an elective and infertility as not a real medical condition).

What happenend next people can view as luck or a gift from God. I choose to believe it was from God and that he really does work in mysterious ways. We were getting ready to do the dinner fundraiser we did and donations were coming in. We recieved one from someone who had already donated several very expensive items including our highest raffle giveaway with a note in it that said, "Please accept this donation for your family. We would like you to use this money for something other than the fundraiser. Take a family vacation. Do something for you and Leo or something for your family. God Bless." In the envelope was a check for $4000.