Friends

Because I spent all week stuck in my house with sick kids, I had a chance to watch reruns of "Sex and the City" which is one of my favorite shows. When it came to the finale, I was bawling. Carrie was leaving and she was saying good-bye to her friends and she said, "I had a thought today. What if we had never met?" That made me think of all my friends and ask, "What if we had never met?" All of us have friends that bring something to our friendships that fulfill us and makes us better people. We have friends we call right away with good news because we know they will celebrate with us. We have friends that we call right away with bad news because we know they will rally and talk us off the hypothetical ledge. We have friends we call when we want to go out and let loose a little bit and ones that will drop everything if we need them. If we are lucky, we have friends that are all of these wrapped up in one.

I think about friends that I have from each stage in my life. I love that even though life gets in the way of us talking everyday or seeing each other often, when we do talk, it picks up where we left off and that closeness remains. I think that is what makes a "forever friend". Whether we like it or not, our friends shape us one way or the other. If we talk to a friend and we end up belly-laughing, we are in a good mood for the rest of the day. If we talk to a friend and the conversation is off, it has the potential to put us in a bad mood the rest of the day. I firmly believe that we parents can do our best to raise our kids with the morals and values we hold true and we do have an impact on our kids without a doubt but...our kids' friends will have a huge impact on them. I'll give you an example: My parents told me where they stood on drinking under age. In high school, the people I hung out with really dictated whether I drank or not. It wasn't that I was at parties taking a huge stand against drinking because of what my parents said. I was dating a guy that didn't drink and because he was always in training and my best friend didn't drink, I was never in a situation where it came up. I went to parties and remember people being drunk but they were making such asses out of themselves, I wasn't interested in joining in. I hung out with a crowd that all had aspirations of college. I knew my parents wanted me to go to college and even though I didn't want to leave my boyfriend, it was the sharing of dreams with my friends and how we influenced each other that got me there. It saddens me because one of my friends that had the most influence is no longer with us. She and I went through some really difficult times and some really fun times. We shared some of life's biggest moments in our youth and then after we would talk for hours about going off to college and starting a new adventure, we lost touch. It is ironic that she was one of the biggest encouragers of me going away to school and that was the very reason we lost touch. I'll never pick my kids' friends but I will always pay attention to who they hang out with.

The guy friends I have had throughout my life have been invaluable to me. Their insights into the male brain, the laughs without the drama and the shoulders that are always bigger than mine for me to lean on have meant the world to me. It sucks that no one tells you that at some point guys are going to get married and their wives might not always be on board with the friendship. Even if the wives don't care, the friendship goes to the back burner (as it should) and it is different. I still wouldn't trade it and I disagree with Harry. I think men and women can be friends.

I went off on a little tangent there. My point is that I have great friends. I have friends that I count on and keep me sane. My life is more full with them in it. Since having Gia, sixteen months ago, sometimes among all of the chaos, I turn around and it is just Gia and me and though I love the time I have with her, I miss my friends. My sisters and cousins included. There aren't many conversations that go uninterrupted and get togethers are far and few between. I need a girls' weekend or at the very least one night a month where I can connect with them again. Where deep conversations can take place without me having to say hold on while I grab Gia before she falls down the stairs. Where I don't keep saying, "What?" because Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is playing too loud in the background. If we see each other at Target or at a baseball game or in the neighborhood and I am talking a mile a minute, it's because I miss you and want to connect for the 5 minutes I am actually out. Which makes me think again, "What if we had never met?" How many experiences missed out on and how many laughs not had and how sad that would be.

P.S. For my friends wondering, each time I watch "Sex and the City" I imagine it is the four of us (doesn't matter which group of friends it is) and I am always Carrie (the writing thing gets me). You Samanthas, Charlottes, and Mirandas out there, you know who you are. And if there are more than four of us, I make up a character so no one is left out.